The Detroit solution

I’m old enough to remember the “forward look” and “extra care in engineering” themes of Chrysler in the halcyon 1950s, as well as its famed hemi-head V-8s. Now when I think of Chrysler, all that comes to mind is the transmission on our family’s 1996 Town & Country minivan that blew up after just 40,000 miles.

It’s taken decades of hard work, but Detroit has managed to ruin the reputation of practically all its brands.
I’m old enough to remember the “forward look” and “extra care in engineering” themes of Chrysler in the halcyon 1950s, as well as its famed hemi-head V-8s.
Now when I think of Chrysler, all that comes to mind is the transmission on our family’s 1996 Town & Country minivan that blew up after just 40,000 miles.
General Motors? It’s hard to know what their brands mean anymore.
GM can’t really believe that vigorous, youthful Tiger Woods would ever voluntarily buy a Buick. (Oddly enough, though, Buick is a top brand in China; maybe Tiger is more influential there.)
Even my 80-something parents wouldn’t consider buying an American car anymore. My father recently leased a Honda CR-V because of Honda’s excellent reputation for quality and because the crossover was so easy to get into and out of.
Did my father — who drove Mercurys for almost 20 years — feel weird abandoning American metal?
“No, the American companies are going bankrupt and could abandon me,” he said.
I’m sure my father is not alone. But a government bailout or some other kind of financial fix is not going to change the minds of many Americans and bring them back to GM, Ford and Chrysler.
Not even Consumer Reports’ recent reliability results, which show that Ford products are as good as Japanese brands, will do the trick. I’m afraid that even if Detroit heeded critics and started making more hybrid and fuel-efficient models, the current brands are so tarnished the public still would be reluctant to buy.
Here’s a way out of the box that could work whether: a) a government bailout of some sort takes place and averts a meltdown; or b) bankruptcy comes to pass and rids the manufacturers of the United Auto Workers and its other dross.
First, all top Detroit management should go, and those with financial backgrounds should be banned from top jobs. The bean counters got Detroit into this mess. They certainly aren’t the ones with the imagination, guts or passion to steer a new course. The Puny Three need real car guys — marketers and engineers — to drive the change. Someone who loves cars won’t ever produce the blah-mobiles favored by financial types.
And if the new car-guy managers need budget crafters and financial analysts to satisfy Wall Street, rent the experts from AccountTemps.
Next, and for longer than the transition period it will require to come out with new models, Detroit has to give cash-strapped Americans a truly good deal — and not just zero down and zero interest. I mean something along the lines of a 100,000 mile, no-BS warranty that would cover everything on the car except oil changes, worn out brake linings and windshield wiper blades.
Such a warranty would tell potential customers that American cars are every bit as good as foreign ones and Detroit is putting its money where its mouth is to prove it.
Despite the widespread indifference or antipathy toward much of Detroit’s current products, there is a deep well of potential support (and customers) across the nation.
The fact that a 1955 Chevy Bel-Air or a 1964 Ford Mustang or 1968 Pontiac GTO can bring tears to people’s eyes is proof that Detroit has in its power the possibility of winning us back.
Wake up, you insular blockheads at GM, Ford and Chrysler, and give us something to love that won’t fall apart.