MONDAY MORNING: Getting more crash and burn for the buck

Last week I called PSINet Inc., an Internet tech company in Ashburn, Va., to apply for a vacant position as president and chief operating officer.

Even though the person who answered the phone asked me, “President of what?” I think PSINet is a smart company for me to work for.

That is not because I know anything about Internet backbone technology or web hosting, which PSINet reportedly specializes in. Nor do I have any experience in chiefly operating anything more complex than a toaster.

Big bucks

But none of that seems to matter in the tech world. Aside from “president O’Brien” having a nice ring, my goal is to retire early as a millionaire.

Based on how much PSINet paid its president and COO, Harold S. Wills, before canning him this month, the company obviously supports my theory: The quickest way to my goal is to help run a company into the ground.

Last year, Mr. Wills’ salary and bonus totaled $681,250.

If I can pull down that kind of cash in a year and sock away the bulk of it, I could have a few million by the time I’m 47.

But I need to move fast on this open job. By the looks of it, PSINet may not be around much longer.

Two weeks ago, the company said it planned to sell some of its assets and had hired an Ernst & Young subsidiary to explore its strategic options.

That usually translates into the auction block or bankruptcy.

On Friday, its stock was trading at a buck and change. During the company’s glory days, back in that bygone era in March, it hit a 52-week high of $60.94.

Analysts have been lowering their ratings on the stock, and some are encouraging investors to sell and cut their losses.

But if the company will hire me for just a year, I’d be willing to work for less than Mr. Wills was. I’d ask for only $680,000. And in a spasm of compassion, I wouldn’t even demand stock options.

ripe for picking

And I bet I’d work harder than Mr. Wills did.

Due to my complete lack of tech know-how and inability to concentrate for three consecutive minutes, I’d have no choice.

Really, my intent is not to pick on Mr. Wills. He’s out of a job, and probably never said anything about wanting to retire early.

Maybe I should pick on chairman and CEO William Schrader.

His compensation last year totaled $754,000. Sure, he founded the company, yada, yada, yada.

But add up the executive salaries and bonuses paid last year and you’ve got a company that has never made a red cent doling out more than $2.8 million to people who are sending it down the tubes.

I could easily mismanage this company for half that amount.

Talk about squandering money – PSINet promised to pay $105.5 million over 20 years to get its name plastered on the Baltimore Ravens stadium.

Three years ago, I bid $10.72 for the naming rights to the stadium.

Maybe my bid paled next to PSINet’s, but at least I would have been good for the dough.

At any rate, if things don’t work out for me at PSINet, I plan to call WorldCom. They really know how to treat their corporate brass.

Sarah O’Brien is a reporter for InvestmentNews.

Related Topics: Just Thinking